I JUST CANNOT KEEP HANGING ON

I called you to talk to you and you just sat there and listened, then you got up and left without a word. Getting angry with you was just consuming all my energy and emotions. Night after night I just kept tossing in my bed thinking about where I went wrong. I tried to call you but you would not pick up, I texted but you never texted back. In all that time I was losing myself because I could not find the strength to let go.

You introduced me to all your friends, we had some fun nights, you made it seem like we would last forever. Was it all pretense? Was it all a sick joke? Were you just using me? Or was karma just being a bitch? I think I held on for too long refusing to face the truth. Every time you hurt me, I forgave you and you just kept coming back to hurt me again and again. Then you cut me off without a word or warning.

Every day I feel this pain inside of me, I smile but I am hurting. I cannot seem to find sleep but my tears just cannot come out. I just cannot keep hanging on to the thought of you and me anymore because it is killing me inside. I have no one to talk to because talking about it hurts even more. The ghost of you still haunts me, sometimes I almost hear you calling my name but I just cannot see your face.

My pride will not let me cry or go into depression over the fact of losing you. Your friends keep asking me how you are and I just smile and say, “He is fine”. I will still wake up every morning dress nice and look good. Move on with my life like you never existed. I will still laugh and smile with all my friends. Most importantly, I will not give you the satisfaction of seeing me breakdown.